Saturday, October 11, 2014

week 36

Like every other expecting mama, I signed up for those weekly updates on those pregnancy websites. Each week they send you an email letting you know that your baby is the size of a radish, or a head of lettuce, and tell you that your back is probably hurting this week, or you will soon need to buy those maternity clothes you've been avoiding. They really aren't very helpful at all, but it's fun to get a little reminder of how many weeks along you are, and what your baby looks like each week. Fun until you are nearing the end, and you are already totally stressed out, and open up your inbox to find this weekly update waiting for you!

"Congratulations!" It says.
Thank you!! I'm totally excited to meet this sweet baby. Congratulations indeed :) I've grown a little human!
And then you continue reading..
"Your baby will be born any time now,  as most births take place between weeks 37–40. Although this is an exciting time, it can also be a time of anxiety.." 

YOU'RE TELLIN' ME! Like this is really happening? THANKS FOR THAT! Your letter started out so kind. What happened? As if my anxiety weren't bad enough, you had to send me this weekly update and remind me that I have to push this baby out of my vagina, and then go on to remind me that it could happen at any minute on any day anywhere "between weeks 37-40"? Great! 
"He or she is one week away from being considered full term, at 19 inches in length and weighing around six pounds."
Yeah so as you've made it very clear, I'm going to be birthing this baby SOON. Let's not talk about numbers, okay? Thanks.
And to make sure you are really stressed out they remind you that you are not prepared for this birth at all.
"If you haven’t done so yet, pack a hospital bag in preparation for labor."
Well I've got a killer hospital bag checklist made! Does that count??
"Talk with your healthcare provider about any concerns you may have as you continue to wait for your water to break."
Yeah, that's how they ended it. Those were their closing words everybody.
SERIOUSLY? I HAVE A GAZILLION CONCERNS! Take a seat. This could take a while. First concern... That you just said "continue to wait for your water to break" NO THANKS! 
Mama OUT.

Next time I quit reading after the "congratulations"

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